stromboli (babycloudy) wrote,

In Memoriam | in məˈmôrēəm

Title: In Memoriam | in məˈmôrēəm
Author: babiettangkoma
Characters: Jongwoon; Kyuhyun; or Siwon; or your other favourite cast
Genres: Romance, Slice of Life
Rating: PG
Words: 1,168
Warning: Major Character Death; 1st POV Narration
Summary: Five years since my beloved were taken away from me
Disclaimer: No beta. All errors are mine.

In Memoriam | in məˈmôrēəm-

Five years.
When we look at five years in the future, it seems so long. Yet, when we looked back to our past, five years were just like yesterday.

Many things could happen within five years. People who entered university, has been working in a company. A baby, who cannot walk and talk, has been running around and making friends. People who were single, are now has a proper happy family.

Some events were remembered. Some were forgotten, that could be what people called déjà vu years later.
World did not stop rotating. Sun is always there every morning and moon had change its pace every single nights. You might remember how many times you had seen the bloody moon this year, but you will not remember when. You might remember there were days when rain replacing the sun, but you will not remember how many times.

Today, it has been exactly five years. Five years since my beloved were taken away from me. Taken away with peace and love surrounding him, to a better life, a better place where he would not found and feel suffering.

Time flies, and I didn’t realise that it has been five years.
It has been five years since I live my life as normal, except without him.

I still laugh, and stress out over deadlines. I still made funny silly jokes to my best friends and families. I traveled the world to gain experiences and sometimes capture the moments, for I didn’t know when I could come back. I achieved what I could achieve. And today, I just realised that I had been doing everything without him by my side.

Three weeks ago, I opened his social media accounts, of course I knew the password - he put my name and birthday date. I reminisced and learned.

I evoked.
He was funny and silly. He loved self-camera, a pure narcissist, even though many of his photos are not for public consumption. He was a mysterious guy, well - tried to be, but always failed anyway because once he got teased, he would pouting and threaten that he wouldn’t online anymore.

He tried to give as many surprises as he could, but again, always failed, because when he chatted, he talked about everything without filtering. He was sweet because he always treasure and took care of every single person he loved. He was glue for a broken friendship or family. People will never be bored and don’t want to be away from him.

Nonetheless, people, including me, never ever wanted to get on his angry side. Even in social media, his words could be so cold, like he didn’t care and ignorance. It was simply horrible to get into his bad side.

I learned a lot too.
He had personal messages, to one of his best friends. To be honest, I was surprised: They talked about me. He talked about how to calming me down when I was upset. He talked about how to give a surprise for me. He talked how he was so angry and depressed when I said I desired to suicide as no one cares for me. He talked about everything, he tried to get a consultation from his best friend to ensure that his words wouldn’t upset or broke my heart but solving the problems.

When I read all those, it seemed like everything rushed into my memories at once, so that I could remember every single details some of our time where we were together.

I obviously still recall how he surprised me at night when he knocked my door in the middle of the night. I thought it was some creep! I remember how he embraced me, pulled my head to be rested on his thin shoulder when I was in despair and wanted to cry my heart out. I still remember how he passed out in front of me when he just wanted to guide me around his town. I remember how he was freaking out when he knew I was lost in the middle of nowhere in the new environment, that he would called me every fifteen minutes or so just to check on me, it was good that my phone battery could last that long.

Our relationship wasn't always all spring flowers filled with warm sun, there were always be a time when we just felt like one was human wanted to attack the other like attacking a giant titan. The important thing is that I still remember we were in one thousand three hundred and thirty nine miles away relationship, yet we felt that our bond couldn’t be stronger.

However, I also still remember that day. When he was smiling and said that it would be his last time. I knew his sickness, but at that time I hadn’t prepared my heart to lose him just yet. I hadn’t give him something when he already gave me so much that I couldn’t count and remember. The scene before my eyes were full of peacefulness and love yet regret filled my heart.

I was filled with happy times, and I hope his days with me were filled the same.

Five years since all of those happened, and now left only memories. I couldn’t remember his face anymore. Not even his voice or his smile. What I remember was just piece-by-piece memory. Even though his face, even my face at that time were already blurred. Like a puzzle with blurred drawing, but you can definitely tell the form where it fits.

I wonder now, what if he’s still here, right here right now? Are we giving each other a comfortable hug? Or laugh at each other stupid jokes? Or maybe… maybe we had broken up and don’t even want to see each other faces? Maybe he hates me for something that I did? It could go on and on and on. Nevertheless he left leaving good memories to be remembered.

His painting was completed five years ago, and he already painted it with all beautiful colours he could get. Now, I still haven’t finished my painting yet.
I knew that I couldn’t back to that time. Life goes on.

This is not some fiction stories where a person just stuck on the past and cannot give a chance to love a new person, or he will suddenly appear out of nowhere, or there will be a time machine, or I will suicide to follow him, or… No. Life didn’t and never works that way for me. Sooner or later, we will and have to endure to continue our tough, to go through our life ups and downs until our time is up.

I just feel so blessed to ever know, to ever be treasured by someone like him. Even though, when one day I would be with someone else, I will make sure to build the new relationship to be even stronger, and that he remains as a part of my sweet memory.

In Memoriam
Mario Cello F.


  • This fan-fiction is dedicated for my beloved Mario, who had been in heaven for five years.

  • Thank you to all readers: who read and/or comment. Your supportiveness means a lot to my author mode self :)


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